Ok, so now I've talked to you about Rusty. One point I forgot to mention, the total bill of his tragedy came to $4,700. Needless to say there goes my trip to Europe. Don't get me wrong, I would pay anything to take care of my baby but that's what I had to say goodbye to as I recover both financially and emotionally.
So, the day I get back to work I get a call from my brother, my mother is in the hospital with severe pain. I promptly left work, packed up some clothes and my other dog Lady and traveled up north to see her. Long story short she is in stage 4 lung cancer and has since then had bouts in the hospital for one reason or another. To continue this tragic telling, I return to work after visiting for a week and am faced with the realization that the company I am working for doesn't have any respect for people or their suffering. Instead, I was threatened to ensure I could make my "numbers" as far as recruiting goes. These numbers I was told had to be met by the end of the month or else. Well, being an HR person I know this is inappropriate behavior and decided to start looking for a job. I wasnt' too worried about that because I had this idea, since my ex was still calling every day and concerned, that we could some how get together. He had just recevied a promotion that had included free room and board in Arizona for 8 months and in NC for 4 months. I was fantasizing how I could leave this place behind me and move in with him. After all, isn't that what I did for him earlier? I figured since he was calling every day wanting updates and concerned that of course he would want us to get back together....<cough> yes, I am naive.
Of course my friends look out for me more than I look out for myself which I am very greatful for! One of my friends knew a very good company moving into the area. They asked her if she knew anyone that she would recommend for the HR person at that site. Next thing I knew she submitted my resume and they called me for an interview. I'm not sure if I was excited about the chance or just flattered but I went on the interview and it went well. Needless to say my ex was thrilled for me that I was looking for another job which sent me a red flag that I completely ignored.
I'm going to start referring to my ex here as Bozo, since he's got a big red nose and it somehow makes me feel better. :) Anyway, Bozo started playing a cat and mouse game with me. I had previously suspected he was a narcissist but never actually had believed it in my heart until lately. He'd play this game of I miss you yet I'm dating and sleeping with others. I was confused and I think that was his goal. I thought well maybe he has to get that out of his system before he returns to me.. yet I just think now he's an ASS. So anyway, I decided I needed to get clarity on our "relationship" and where we were. I mean every time he mentioned he slept with someone I would get sick to my stomach and hate his guts. Yet, then next he would call and say how much he missed me and how I was the best he ever had and blah blah blah.. I'm sure you get the picture. Anyway, I decided I was going to meet Bozo in Arizona and see if I really still felt anything for him and if we could try to work towards a relationship again. During this planning I ended up getting a call from the company I interviewed for and I got the job. I was excited but still felt like this would be a temporary thing until I ended up with Bozo again. Of course I know now that's not happening.
I'll give you a brief summary of what happened.. we ended up together when I visited, I thought he was really interested in pursuing a relationship again, we acted as if we never split up. I get home and a week later he tells me (right before I start the new job) that he was never the right man for me and that he wants to sleep around and I don't. So that ended that.
Now let me describe where I am now. I love my new job, my mom is dieing of cancer and may not live past Christmas, my support system is gone and my friends are there sometimes, and sometimes not. That's why I decided to blog here. I feel like I need to talk this out but I don't have a lot of avenues to do that. So I'm using this venue. I'm sure it's ok since I am just going to talk about my boring life and let's face it, it's not all that great!
Oh, the other wonderful thing that happened (and I say that sarcastically) is that thanks to Obama and the crash my house is about $40,000 under water. Fun huh? All my neighbors have either foreclosed or are walking away from the townhouse because they can't sell it. It's a long story as to why and I won't bore you with it but let's just say it was a good neighborhood when I first moved in and had tons of potential. Now, it's in a bad neighborhood where I don't even feel comfortable walking my dogs at night. Yes, I said in plural dogs.
My family has grown to 2 dogs now and a cat. The extra dog found me at my previous job. He was ematiated and looked at me with these helpless eyes asking for mercy. I brought him to the vet thinking he was dieing and needed to be put down yet the Vet said he was fine but had been lost in the woods for a while. His name now is Woody. The cat had decided that he was going to claim this house as his and persisted until finally my pet sitter convinced me to have her let the cat in and she named him Romeo. So, while I don't attract people to me right now I am attracting animals. lol I guess I am becoming the crazy person with tons of animals. However, I don't intend to let any other strays in at this point!
It's funny, all my facebook friends from high school are turning 40 now too and it is painful. It hurts because I know and hope they have the wonderful birthday I never had for this year. I hope they can celebrate the 40's and look forward to experiencing it where I am dreading each day of my life. Every morning I wake up wondering if I will get a call from my family saying come home. I can't think past my mother right now.. I just know that when she does pass away it will not be an easy recovery. In fact, I know someone will have to help pick me off the floor physically because I know my heart would be completely shattered at that point. As you can tell, I am very close to my mom. She was always sickly and so, being the only girl, I took care of her most of my life. My father was worthless and still is. The family found out he had been cheating on my mom all the while she was sick and never EVER took care of her. He always left that part to me while he went out and played sports or slept around. I don't speak to him anymore. To me he's dead. I've tried several times to bridge the gap and have some sort of relationship with him yet his anger and bitterness towards my mother for his sins and shortcomings has overtaken him and he projects that on me.
The one good thing that is happening that I'm excited about is I'm getting a 2012 Ford Fiesta! It's going to be the candy blue with white leather interior. It's being ordered so I won't have it until September. I decided to get it since my current Honda CR-V seems to be falling apart and I'm still paying on it. The Honda was the car for Rusty anyway. He was such a big dog and I needed a car I could drive him and Lady comfortably back and forth up north with. Well, I don't need that anymore. In fact, Lady and Woody won't be going there probably often if at all. My mother is too sick to have a lot of animals running around the house. So, I just need a small car that will give me great mpg and that I decided was the Fiesta. I don't think I got a good deal on it. Although the more I talk to people the more I realize no one ever feels like they get a good deal when buying a new car from the sales people. That's just wrong in my opinion. I felt like they took advantage of me being a female in there alone yet maybe they just do that to everyone.
Well, I'm going to sign off for now. I've caught you up on this year and I'm sure as we go along you'll hear more and more as it relates to my random thoughts.
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