I want to go back to being the I can only imagine girl instead of the I understand girl. I can only imagine girl hasn't yet been through the pain of life, can't imagine the pain of others but tries. The I understand girl lived it, survived it, wrote about it and is in it.
People however appreciate more the I understand girl cause there is someone who knows my pain, knows my suffering and has lived it, is living it. It's always a good feeling to know you are not the only one feeling such loss and pain. However, I would prefer to be the I can only imagine. I use to care about helping others and wanting to suffer so I could help others. Now I"m over it. I just want the pain to stop.
It's like when you hit your hand or fingers with the hammer by accident. Everything around you seems minimal. Your only concern is WOW my hand hurts SO BAD! You stare at it and check if anything is broken, but your main focus is your hand. Not if your friend will hit their hand also or what everyone around you is doing. It's you. You and your pain are the main focus until the pain subsides or goes completely away. That's where I am. I really don't care about life around me.. just my pain. When will it stop? When will it ease? How can I make it ease?
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