If you could plan out your life would you be where you are today?

I know the answer to that for me would be no.  I use to want kids.. sometimes I still wish I had them.  Realistically however I love to travel.  I love being free enough to go anywhere I want without burdens.  Children wouldn't allow me to do that.  I also however would have a partner that loves to travel as well.  I'd be happily married, settled down and a jet setter with my hubby.  That's the picture of my perfect life.  However it's not my reality.  It's funny.  My brothers have all found someone to marry.. yet, the one who wanted the married life the most is the one that ends up single.  Why is it whatever I really wish I had the most I never get?  Why is that?  Life isn't worth much really.  I mean I look at what I've done in my life and who I am.. in the scheme of things does it matter?  Really, this life sucks, this world sucks.  Pain is everywhere and the only job we have is to somehow function under it.  I say big deal.  I'm still angry with God right now.  Angry that he put me where I am, angry that I am alone, angry that he allowed all this shit to hit the fan at the same time, angry he took all my support away from me.  Angry I'm alone.