It's funy how grief works

I was feeling good.. as I said earlier until later last night I was trying to get my dog to behave and instead of calling him by his name I called my deceased "Rusty" my yellow lab baby.  The other dog Lady who knew and loved Rusty well started wagging her tail and sadness suddenly descended over me again.  We both miss Rusty more than words can describe.  It's like a hole is in my heart that can never be filled again.  A part of me is gone.  With Rusty I could always count on his support no matter what I was doing.  When I'd cry he would just hug me, when I'd scream he'd just look at me and tilt his head.  When I was sick he would lay beside me.  I miss those nights he snored in my ear.  I miss his licks and love.  I miss his hugs, I miss his support.  With Mom moving towards the end of her life I am scared.  Scared that I'll not have any support.  Scared I'll walk off that cliff.