She's back in the hospital

Just when I'm starting to get focused on me.. she is back in the hospital.  I swear God wants me to be an emotional cripple.  I don't know what to feel anymore.  I was so desperate this weekend that I called a root reader.. that's right.  I do still believe all are spirits and some people are gifted with more insight then others.  She said this is the dark before the dawn.. that this is the transformation stage of my life.. transformation? Transformation? What the hell?  I don't want any part of this! NONE!  I'm tired.. so tired of crying, of hurting, of yearning, of dreaming, of hoping, of everything... just tired.