Still frozen

I still feel like I'm not here.. as if I am watching this horrific movie.  When I'm at work I can escape and pretend everything is ok.. when I go home I am just here.  I've never kept a frown before in my life yet now I can't stop.  I'm not happy, I'm not joyful. I'm empty.  I care less about my ex now. I realized I hadn't picked well because I really didn't need a person to depend on.. I had my mom.  Now, I'm left with nothing. None of my ex's were ever worth anything really.  I believe I'm finally realizing this about my latest.  I really don't want him back.  I'm starting to realize I don't like him at all and that he's more my father than any of them I've dated before.  I miss you Mom.  I'm so ... so... empty.  I don't know if I'll ever enjoy life again.