Weekend Tears

Every weekend is full of tears, every weekend is full of pain as the memories flood my mind and the loss is fresh and constantly on my mind.  It's as if I'm on hold the entire week, saved from the sadness and it wait's and pounces me on the weekend taking over everything I do.  I do feel like however that I can begin doing my normal activities again.  I've taken care of the back yard, which is a start.  Next weekend I'll do more.  Either do the new exercise or replant the plant that was at my mom's funeral.  I don't know which I'll do.. maybe both.  I know I have my massage tomorrow.. I am very excited about that!  I hope it's a good one!  I hope it's more than I expect! <giggle> I could use some excitement and thrill right now.  Speaking of which I have my flight arrangements all set for the vacation of a lifetime!  Including Male Angels! lol  I'm feeling so liberating!  Also, my ex (idiot) sent me a Linked In invite.  I then sent it back and asked him what that was.. he said it must have been an automatic response and that he didn't send it.. Bullshit!  I have Linked In and it asks me to confirm that's who I want to send to.  He's full of shit!  That's ok... I'm definitely at the point I don't need or want him back.  He never pampered me and that's exactly what I need, complete pampering!  Honestly I don't think there is a man out there able to treat me the way I need to be treated!  With honesty, respect, loyalty, consideration and putting me first before them.  What men don't realize is once you do that to a woman the woman then in turn puts your needs in front of hers.. in fact I tend to do that even if they are retards and selfish.. that's why No MORE!  NO MORE spoiling others.. now it's spoiling me!